Introducing The Upper Hand

My journey from LinkedIn to Substack and what you can learn from it.

And we’re off! Welcome to the first installment of The Upper Hand.

Just to show you how excited I am, I did something I have never done before – I made a little intro video for you.

And by “I” I mean my very talented, highly opinionated 12-year-old son who did all the directing, filming, and editing (with a very expensive video camera that you can learn more about below).

When I asked him how I did he said, “It’s not really my thing, but someone might like it.”

Clearly I’m no Mr. Beast.

I think it would be really cool if this video got 12 trillion views, just to show him that plenty of people do find me interesting.

p.s. Credit for the captioning goes to Becky Robinson’s team at Weaving Influence who magically made that happen on a moment’s notice while my son was at school.

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You may have chosen to join me here because you follow me on LinkedIn, which is where I have put most of my content to date. If so – thank you and welcome! The support from my LinkedIn community has been truly overwhelming and I couldn’t be more grateful.

I’ll still be showing up on LinkedIn as I always have, so I invite you to connect with me there, too, if you haven’t already:

To give you a flavor of my style, here are a few of my posts:

And if you want to learn how my son got the camera he used to make my video, read this:

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How I got here: From binge-watching and (not) bread baking to building community

I call LinkedIn my “Covid project.” The first time I posted was in the spring of 2020, at the encouragement of a friend, after I got tired of binge-watching Tiger King and reading articles about how to bake sourdough bread.

I was always anti social media - I don’t even have a Facebook account - so I expected to hate everything about it. Instead, it’s been one of the most fun and rewarding things I’ve ever done. I’ve grown a community of women and allies who love supporting others as they rise.

This community—The Upper Hand—is a direct result of my time on LinkedIn. I want to get content to you directly, rather than forcing you to scroll the feed, and make it easier to engage in conversation with me.  

So it feels fitting to start this new adventure by sharing the three most important lessons I’ve learned from my time on LinkedIn (and how you can use them even if you avoid all social media).

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You can build relationships from behind a screen

Like many women, I love the efficiency and effectiveness of working remotely. Less time spent putting on makeup, more time spent getting work done and seeing my kids. But many also worry about being disconnected or forgotten if they’re not in the office.

More than anything, LinkedIn has shown me how easy it is to build and sustain relationships remotely—if you show up consistently and with intention. For example, most of the people I interviewed for my forthcoming book, Likeable Badass, are people I know only through LinkedIn. They have never met me in person, and until they agreed to be interviewed had never even heard my voice or seen my face. In June, I’ll be attending an in-person women’s retreat with people I met through LinkedIn introductions. Multiple clients have hired me after finding me on LinkedIn. And many of the people who subscribed to The Upper Hand are people whose names I recognize only because they have put a little heart or thumbs up on my posts.

I’m not an outlier. The feed is full of stories like mine - meaningful relationships forged and fostered from behind a screen.

Social media, emails, texts, slack channels, phone calls, video chats – there are lots of ways to stay connected from the comfort of your couch. Being remote is only an excuse for falling out of touch if you let it be. Make a list of the five most important relationships for your professional success and set a goal of getting in front of them once a week – even just with a quick email or text. Those little touchpoints add up over time.

Leverage your 2^nd and 3^rd degree connections

When I was up for tenure at UNC I made a list of all of the tenured faculty at other schools who liked me and my work, and would write a strong recommendation letter for me. I showed the list to my wise mentor, Lara Tiedens, who said, “You’re not thinking broadly enough. Don’t just think about who likes you, think about people who like people who like you.” She added her friends and supporters to my list, reassuring me, “These people know I think highly of you, and they will want to support you as a way of supporting me.” She pushed me to think about my network in a new, more efficient way—by leveraging “friends of friends” (aka your 2nd and 3rd degree connections).

That experience was a huge turning point for me. It made me realize I didn’t need a direct relationship with everyone I want to know. I can always ask for an intro to that person from someone in my network. And those intros are powerful. Every time I get an email from someone I adore asking me to make time for a person I don’t know, I always do it. I’m sure you’re the same. And it’s no different when your name is the one being passed along. You get to freeride on the relationship of person who vouches for you.

LinkedIn makes leveraging these 2nd and 3rd degree connections so easy—your degree of connection is listed right next to each person’s name (1st, 2nd, 3rd). But I find few people take advantage of this information.

To start tapping into these extended networks, I always advise asking yourself two questions every time you have a problem to solve:

“Who is in the best position to solve this problem for me?”

“Who is the best person to ask this person for help?”

Then ask for an introduction as needed.

Don’t do things you hate—there’s always another way

“The way to build an audience is to engage with other creators’ content.”

I was given this advice multiple times when I started on LinkedIn. In addition to posting, I should spend time commenting on posts that other people have written.

It’s good advice. So I tried it.

But it took way too much time, both finding posts to comment on and then thinking of something value-added to say.

I then tried outsourcing—hiring someone to scroll the feed and email me three posts each day for comment.

But every time I saw those emails come in, my heart would sink. It just didn’t feel authentic to be commenting on posts just for the sake of building followers when I didn’t have anything insightful to add.

I stuck with it for a while, but ultimately dropped it. I still comment on others’ posts, but only when the mood strikes, not as part of any strategy.

I am a big believer in the advice of W.C. Fields: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.

But abandoning comments didn’t mean that I was abandoning all strategy. Quite the opposite. I was also advised that consistent posting builds followers, and that the most engagement happens mid-morning Monday-Thursday. So I do my best to post every Mon-Thurs before lunch, and take Fri-Sun off.

I love posting. It brings me joy. For me, posting is authentic. And timing my posts for maximum engagement is strategic.

As I always tell myself, and anyone else who will listen:

Strategic and authentic aren’t opposites. You can and should be both.

Life is too short to do things you don’t like, or to be someone you’re not. But that doesn’t mean that we should just do and say whatever we want. The middle ground—the path that leads to success—is to figure out a) the most effective thing we should do, and b) our own unique way of doing that thing that feels fun and natural.

So the next time you’re given some advice that feels well-intentioned but hard to implement (e.g., commenting on others’ posts), step back and think about the ultimate goal you’re trying to achieve (e.g., grow a community). Then think of a different way to achieve the same goal and try that instead.

If you ever want to try your hand at LinkedIn (or Substack), I highly recommend giving it a try.

But even if you don’t, I hope these learnings come in handy as you pursue whatever it is that makes you happy. You deserve it.

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And just like that, we are both the end (of this post) and the beginning (of lots of fun we will have together).

Thanks for coming along for the ride. Til next time, keep on being awesome.

Cheers to success, friends!

xo